Wimminz – celebrating skank ho's everywhere

Because I am a single man free from the financial burdens of wimminz, I was able to turn around at work today and announce “I am bored shitless, I am going to go into town and buy an android pad.“

Because I am a single man free from the yoke of wimminz or managers I am able to indulge such whims, if you don’t like it sack me.

Because I live in the UK, our yank readers will need to know that PC world / Currys / Comet are the Walmart / Bestbuy equivalent, and Maplin is Radio shack.. oh, and for price conversions just take US dollar price and remove the dollar sign and replace with a pound sterling sign.

SO……

First port of call is Maplins, I like Maplins for two reasons, one is the staff all know their shit, on offer was a Viewsonic 10 inch tablet for 200 quid.

The other reason I like Maplins is they have a 28 day no quibble no questions asked money back guarantee policy, which I like, a LOT, and the staff as I said know their shit, their opinion is the thing ain’t bad once you get rid of the fucking awful Viewsonic launcher and install any other launcher you like, such as the Go launcher.

Thinking “meh” mainly because this thing lacked a GPS chip, I headed up to the local Pissy World.

Knowing pissy world as I do, I buttonhole one of the sales droids and check the spec of the item being sold, in this case an Asus Transformer, is this a 101 or a 201, and what spec….. because in true pissy world style the label neatly omits stuff like RAM / CPU / GPS etc.

The droid eventually informs me this one has “One meg of ram”

I tell him “my phone has 512 meg, you think maybe that should be a gig of ram?”

He says maybe , but that is what their in store crib sheet says, so I ask him what their return policy is.

He tells me 21 days, provided I do not open the package.

I ask him, how do I know the fucking thing works as advertised (especially given that it is an Asus, and the known problems with GPS and Wi-fi, thanks to Asus putting the fucking thing in a metal case) he says we can test these on display in the shop, I say they do not have connectivity, so he types something in to make wi-fi work while admitting the in store net connection is shit, I try google maps and the fucking process crashes, ho hum, open the browser and type in http://news.bbc.co.uk/ because this is a fairly good test of browser capability…. blank page that refuses to render, droid suggests BBC site is down, I look at him in disgust, whip out my phone and bring up BBC news website… oops… works perfectly.

SO I play with the Asus slider next to it, same shit… I just look at the punk, this is a £450 sale he is not going to make.

Fuck off to Currys, who it has to be said aren’t exactly in fierce competition with pissy world, tell them my problems at pissy world, they have the same returns policy, and then the fucking asshole suggests that there may be more to it with the failed BBC news website, I said yeah, android and a browser, the asshole says there may be something else required to make the website work, I look at him in disgust and shake my head and tell them to forget it, another £450 sale lost forever.

Fuck off to Comet, same policy, then I spot that they are stocking 101 transformers at 201 prices, eg 399 quid a pop.

Fuck off home.

So basically there isn’t a decent android tablet around, except possibly the 10 inch Samsung galaxy, but it is 200 quid too expensive and nobody who does stock it has a decent returns policy…. has to be said buying on-line invokes distance selling rights which are good, but with these stores you’ll have to fucking fight the cunts to get your rights.

I won’t buy Asus because their stuff is always shit under the hood and shiny ponies on the outside.

Maplins is the only shop of those mentioned where I would spend ANY money, partly because their returns policy is superb, partly because the staff are knowledgeable, but mainly because they aren’t incompetent lying cunts selling overpriced dreck like everyone at pissy world et al.

The viewsonic comes closest, the price is right and the spec is right, pity about lack of GPS but the rest is livable, but for one killer flaw, not 100% Google Android compatible, proprietary code and hardware and proprietary market (not google android market)= death for the tech savvy buyer…. because INVARIABLY these proprietary features always make the thing a buggy piece of shit for the sake of 5 bucks saved and annoying, intrusive and futile branding imposed.

Because I am a single man free from the buying pressures imposed by wimminz and kidz, I DID NOT BUY A FUCKING TABLET COMPUTER.

I went back to work refreshed and happy…. with the money still in my bank / pocket.

Perhaps late 2012 will see some decent android tablets.