Wimminz – celebrating skank ho's everywhere

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2239373/Cyril-Smith-Victim-MP-speaks-horrendous-abuse-boys-home-police-say-chances-missed-bring-justice.html

The guy was a fucking MP for christ’s sake, even I can remember the rumours about him and I lived hundreds of miles away, and yet, purely by coinkydink you understand, enough “blunders” are made in several investigations to ensure that basically it all gets hushed up until long after he is dead and buried.

This is just one of numerous “scandals” that just sort of run out of steam before anyone gets thrown in jail in Rule 43 (segregated for their own protection) so all there are are rumours and allegations about north Wales kids homes, channel islands kids homes, Plymouth (Devon, UK) social services and judges and abused kids, and on, and on, and on.

Now finally the UK is in line with the rest of the western world, the head of the national bank is an ex (ho ho) Goldman Sachs employee.

It’s all just coincidence y’understand, and it is, in fact, once you factor in the real salient factors.

The real factors are that once you are in the club, you associate with people from the club, and you appoint and employ and promote other people from the club, after all, that is what they did for you.

Sure, people in the club may have moral issues of one kind of another, but they are in the club… and those they fuck over aren’t in the club.

If this sounds reminiscent of some inbred Texas chainsaw massacreee, well you wouldn’t be far wrong, cousin Delbert may well like choking chickens, but he is a cousin, family, after all, so fuck all them darned outsiders.

I have a mate who emails me about the dire state of things at his place of work, where he is tasked with doing various things and implementing various things in the IT department, of course he is given a budget of four bucks and some change to do this, and the next thing that happens is the board members just over-rule everything he does and appoints a nephew to run the corporate website and a friend to run the GPS/3G mobile station network and in clear violation of the IT policy they themselves told my friend to create and implement they authorise the purchase of some high end macbooks and ipads for current favourite managers and department heads.

I ask him what the fuck he expects, and if he thinks any other company in the country, or indeed the country itself, is run any different.

Last week I got a call, rescue me, from someone in his situation, nobody else in the company knew that the head of IT and I were old friends, so I turned up on a daily consultancy and made sure I stayed long enough for all the presentation bullshit and especially the free lunch, so immediately after lunch (3pm) it was my turn to speak.

So they are all sat there nursing black coffees after the cognac and cigars at lunch, and fiddling with their ipads slicing vegetables, and I am asked to stand up and speak about the corporate website and change driven technology buzzword buzzword leveraging the marketing paradigm etc.

So I stand up, “good afternoon gentlemen, thank you all for an excellent repast, now if you will all please pick up your ipads and enter this URL“, me holding up a piece of A4 with black marker saying http://www.competitor.com where “competitor” is one of the main competitors of this lot, and whose inroads into their sales figures are what prompted the whole “innovation driven change” policy and even more “friends and relatives” being brought on-board in senior positions.

So they all do this and the website in question pops up.

“As you can see….” I say “….a traditional website design, navigation area on the left, search box top right, footer containing the usual links, but in its favour it loads quickly and works well”

Heads are nodding but I can see I have already tried their patience, after all I was brought in to talk about THEIR new website, not their competitors….

So I hold up a new piece of A4 with http://www.yourcompany.com written on it, and ask them to enter the URL.

It takes about 60 seconds for all of them to do this, frown, poke their ipads some more, before someone else pipes up “It doesn’t seem to be working”

“Quite so,” I state, “….and that is because your new website is a steaming pile of crap that uses flash for EVERYTHING, and so to all your potential customers they are presented with a choice between competitor.com which won’t win any awards but just works, and yourcompany.com website which doesn’t work on any executive devices because it is 100% flash, and which is still a slow and steaming pile of shit on PC’s because apart from all the other design failures, the page turning animation sound for the catalogue section is a file that is big enough to contain all the text on competitor.com’s entire website.”

Smiles around room

“Thank you once again for the excellent lunch gentlemen, that concludes my presentation, for which there will be no charge.” Walks out of room studiously ignoring my mate who looks like a man surrounded by greedy relatives who has just realised he has a winning lottery jackpot ticket in his pocket.

I’m outside corporate hq trying to decide what to do with the rest of the day when my smartphone chirps, I have an SMS from my mate, “Man, that was fuckin awesome”

He rings me later that night, still enthused, and tells me he wishes he has the balls to do what I did.

I tell him, it’s not a question of balls old son, it’s a question of no longer giving a fuck, and I no longer give a fuck because I have no overdraft, no credit card balance, no mortgage, no hire purchase, no car finance, no store cards, and of course no fucking wife.

In short, I am exactly the sort of person LEAST wanted by the boardroom, or indeed the club as mentioned above, because let’s face it, I make have fuck all, but I have fuck all to hide, so I can’t be presured or manipulated etc.

So here you go Jimmy, this one’s for you…