So, I’m on-site today awaiting a courier, as often happens, and things being what they are today that means standing by the road if you want a smoke.
So I’m stood there smoking away, and this little silver peugeot turns up, young guy and young lass, arguing, she’s driving, he gets out, still arguing, well fuck you then, he slams the door shut, she drives off… he pats his pockets, pulls out his smokes, pats his pockets some more… fuuuuuck… looks at me.. “Got a light mate?” he asks.
I’m just grinning at him as I hand him the zippo, so before you know it he is telling me the story, doesn’t really matter what it is, it is utterly predictable, pwincess is gas-lighting and shit-testing him.
My courier still hasn’t turned up, and he still doesn’t feel calm enough to walk the mile to their home, so we both smoke some more.
He says to me how are you supposed to make all these choices all the time, and make the right ones all the time. It’s just too complex. Isn’t it.
I look at him for a minute, say no, it’s really very very very simple boy, and I could tell you, but be really sure you want to hear the answer, because you will either hear it and change your life, or ignore it and cement yourself into the life you have forever.
You choose.
I think if the skies hadn’t opened then and we moved back under the eaves, he’d have chosen to walk, but they did, and he didn’t, and so he asked me.
Well, it’s like this, there are beliefs, and there are facts. Beliefs and facts may be about the same thing, such as global warming, and beliefs and facts can also agree about the same thing, but they don’t have to.
Normally what happens is a person doesn’t have a fact, they just have a belief. Sometimes they think they have a fact, but it is really just a belief.
Your problem boy, is you are making decisions based upon things that are not facts, you’re either making decisions on a belief, because you do not have a fact, or on a belief, that contradicts a fact… sometimes, on very rare occasions, you will make a decision based upon a belief that is supported by a fact, but you’re still wrong, because you made the decision based upon the belief, not the fact.
He was hearing me, but not comprehending.
I gesture outwards, is it raining? See, that’s a fact, because the next random person to walk down the road will say “it’s raining” if someone 100 miles away rings them on their mobile and asks what the weather is… now say that person 100 miles away asks the random person walking down the road if you love the chick who just drove off in the silver pug, or if she loves you, what are they going to answer?
He says they won’t know, will they, how can they know.
There you go, it’s not a fact is it, it’s not something someone else can touch or feel, it doesn’t make their clothes wet or their ears cold, it’s a feeling, a belief… the FACT is you chose to part company with her and get out of the car, and the FACT is she chose to drive away, the random person walking down the road would see THAT, and be able to report it to the person 100 miles away on the phone.
He’s quiet for a minute, we both spark up another smoke, he tells me that is all well and good, but if he took that approach, he’d turn around and walk THAT way and not look back, and not that way 1 mile to the home he shared with her.
I feel a disposable bic lighter in my pocket when I put the zippo away, my fingers play with it for a few seconds, I pull it out and hand it to him, there you go boy, and sorry.
Thanks he says, but what are you sorry for.
I’m sorry for how you will feel on the day in the future when you recall this conversation with the random guy you met by the wind-farm and bummed a light from…
Thanks for the light, and the lighter, he says, and walks off in the same direction the little silver pug went.
I hope one day I can share a smoke with you, no slamming of car doors or stroppy wimminz required 😉
Comment by Tim — February 3, 2014 @ 7:37 pm
Hey if you’re down in the south west feel free to drop me a line, may even let you buy me a beer..lol
Comment by wimminz — February 3, 2014 @ 7:39 pm
This paints a moving and rueful picture.
We humans were never good at separating beliefs from facts, but at least, at times, the effort was made. Men and women used to make sacrifices for the kids, because the fact is, what parents do affect children. Now only the men do this, and even then, not as much as they used to.
Politicians used to disagree on stuff, but no one pretended that you didn’t have to maintain the infrastructure, that was a given, a fact. Now it is ignored unless you can use it to attack an opponent.
People complain about how feminized the modern world, and it is, but not because men use gel in their hair or get pec implants. The modern world is feminized even on the unconscious level, where now everyone acts as if whatever you want to be true, is true, and you can ignore anything you dislike. The wimminz frame of reference is currently transcendent.
This unspoken rule is like an article of faith, never mentioned, but assumed, and it seems to saturate media and conversations everywhere.
This is such a crucial distinction as you have crystallized it, and you have also crystallized the FACT that you won’t be listened to at all. I am surprised he even listened to you at all, or stood still long enough to pretend to, because when I talk to young people they seem to want to do all the talking, and get that injured crestfallen look when I pipe up with something.
P.S. Didn’t know you were in the Southwest. Used to vacation down there when I lived in the UK. Wish I had run into you back then, you could have saved me a lot of wear and tear on the old nerve endings. We should have a Wimminz meetup someday, near the Gibbon enclosure at Monkey World.
Comment by josh — February 4, 2014 @ 12:01 am
On the P.S. frankly I doubt it.
We hoomanz aren´t born to this floating ball of crap to experience a carefree happy life bored to death but to learn from experience.
You had your shit to go through and learn from it just as silver pug guy has to go back and wallow in the consequences of his shitty choices.
The overwhelming mass of people cannot learn from the experience of others.
And will actually viscously start fighting you if you dare keep them from stepping into their personal pile of shit.
Afor did a pretty clever thing there with silver pug guy, giving him the bic lighter talisman. Because men usually DO learn from advice and shitty experience, especially with such a little “talisman” around for a reminder.
This is in my eyes is the main thing that divides out species because wimminz overwhelmingly do NOT learn from their shit.
Comment by hans — February 4, 2014 @ 2:49 pm
Afor did a pretty clever thing there with silver pug guy, giving him the bic lighter talisman. Because men usually DO learn from advice and shitty experience, especially with such a little “talisman” around for a reminder.
Yes I thought that was brilliant too. The ‘professionals’ could learn a lot from this man.
Comment by Tim — February 4, 2014 @ 3:13 pm
Actions not words or feelings.
When I struggle with it, I ask myself what I would advise a friend to do if he was in the same situation.
Comment by ello — February 4, 2014 @ 6:21 am
You may have already drawn that comparison, but I had the epiphany the other day that what you write is actually in essence what the old-testamentarial prophets tried to make their contemporary men understand. Of course they failed in their time, but their calls surely were picked up in later generations. So you may be the caller in the desert now, but those truths will never die. Who knows, there may just be a book of Wimminz added to the holy book then. I quote: Wim 21:4 “And I looked at their self-infllicted plight, and truly, the lord dilligaffed.”
Comment by Michael — February 4, 2014 @ 2:33 pm
“Where are our men? Why are they not protecting us?” Sanchez continued, her voice full of frustration. “Men are failing us. I feel as though we are not being protected.”
ttp://articles.philly.com/2014-02-04/news/47009371_1_three-women-northern-liberties-two-women
Comment by Freeman — February 5, 2014 @ 3:36 pm
Just leaving this here as it’s the most recent post so more likely to be seen. Please apply your writing talents to this! 😉
http://elitedaily.com/news/world/smart-girls-see-30-things-six-year-old-9-year-old-require-future-boyfriends-photo/
Comment by Tim — February 5, 2014 @ 7:27 pm
And now for something completely different..
Thought you might like it Afor. 🙂
Comment by hans — February 8, 2014 @ 1:07 am