Wimminz – celebrating skank ho's everywhere

It’s a thing far too many employees do not get, no matter how friendly your line manager may be, or appear to be, or tries to appear to be, he is not your friend, he is your boss.

If he is a good boss he will value your service and contribution to the company, if he is a bad boss he will value his own position in the company.

So we’re going through that shit where you give a score to various things you have done at work recently, and then he gives a score, so I’m giving myself 100% for being “navy time is always ten minutes before time” (plus I am waaaay too smart to play that game where I give myself a score of 75% and invite criticism for why I am not pulling my weight… bitchez.. I ain’t yours) always prompt and on time for everything for my time management, and he is giving me 50% for not being a good little drone and using my free working time to bone up on the company and being a better little worker drone for the companee…

… and I’m thinking “I can read you like a book mate, and it is a short, not very well written book at that” and he, well, he just doesn’t get me at all, but he thinks he does.

I wear a shirt and tie every day for work, for example, he thinks it is because I care about my appearance and how I represent the company, because it isn’t mandatory, open necked work shirts are quite acceptable, and he secretly thinks I only really wear a shirt and tie when someone is watching, but I do in fact wear one every minute I am on the clock.

I don’t do it for any reason other than my own benefit, particularly in this day and age where everything is casual, a man wearing a shirt and tie walking into your office or workplace does not get treated like just another worker drone, I park closer to the entrance and nobody says shit, I wander around at will, the chicks ask me if I’d like a coffee, and nobody knows exactly who or what I am, so they err on the side of caution, and treat me with respect, I get please and thank you and would you mind and could you, not you’ll have to do this and you can’t do that and I am very busy what do you want now?

I dunno if you have ever had cause to work in a place where you are an outsider, say a faith school or a law enforcement office or a military base, as a civvy contractor for a day or two.

If you have, you will know what I mean when I say that however polite they are to you, there is no mistaking the fact that you are not one of them, this is particularly the case is faith based places, because that is all about belief and mindset and attitude, rather than what you do.

This is exactly how bad management behaves.

It is important to spot bad management early, and give them EXACTLY what they want, which is basically a pretty sound and reliable employee, but one with flaws, not big flaws, but the sort the manager can look at and sigh, and feel superior.

So my manager tells HQ that I am just a grumpy sod, because all the fucking wimminz in the office are too stupid and too preoccupied with office politics to pay heed to the emails I send, explaining why job X that was a fuck-up is going to be an ever greater fuckup, because instead of passing on relevant information to those who need it they too are sighing at the lack of smiley faces and happy talk and personal greetings in my emails, and as for the content, well, that gets edited out in a series of chinese whispers, so when it eventually lands on the desk of those who need it, it is devoid of all relevant or useful data.

Eventually my manager says it is a good idea to cover my ass, I just look at him, and say for me, there was no other purpose in sending those emails.

I leave unsaid, but obvious to anyone with a brain, which excludes management, that I never for one instant hoped or believed that the totally avoidable and predictable fuckup was going to be in *any* way avoided or minimised or mitigated, the *sole* purpose of the emails was a written cover my ass get out of jail free card, because it was one of those jobs that could have gone very wrong, as opposed to just being a fuck up, and at that point, I would cease to be the only person in the entire company who was aware of the fact that site X is actually a several hundred years old and still going strong, you are either one of us or you are not, rather affluent and rather well connected institution, think masons, or scientologists, or stuff along those lines, people not afraid of siccing lawyers, high paid lawyers, on to you for breach of contract, as well as making phone calls to people who just happen to be members of the board of the same yacht club as the chairman of the bank that the company banks with.

Language, the corporate bollocks that sees time management translated from always being on time for every job and task, to some corporate bollocks speak about stuff that ain’t actually in my contract of employment motherfucker, says fuck all there about me improving my asset value to the company, not that the cunts will repay me with an adequate wage.

You know, my reports and emails in these circumstances are brief and succinct and to the point, a bullet point list that makes instant sense to anyone technically competent, but somehow offends all the wimminz in the office, maybe because, being so brief and to the point, and, dare I use the word, “businesslike”, there isn’t much meat on them bones for da wimminz to chew on and say it was all misogynistic and rapey, you know worrimean, so they just make a generalised and unspecified complaint about the way I write my emails… unspecified because you can’t actually find a fault, and when I open the email and show it to my manager and make him read it, because I forgot more about managing and manipulating people than he will ever know, and he reads through it, and I tell him I *want* him to tell me precisely what fault he can find with that email, or the wording thereof, and all he can do is make non-commital sounds, because he knows he can’t find a single fault, but neither can he be honest and say look mate, the wimminz in the office are fucking useless, so he tries to offend neither.

I however, picture every single email or corporate word that I write, being taken alone and entirely out of context, and being read out aloud, in scathing tones that bear no relation whatsoever to the way I was actually feeling or the sentiment if any I was trying to address, by a high priced lawyer in front on a court.

I am light years ahead of my own manager in this.

Shades of GM email policy, you can’t say jobs were a nightmare, or customers were challenging to deal with, because you see, once you have thusly advised your corporate managers of the actual situation, they can no longer pin the blame squarely on their fucking minions.

Indeed the complaint arose from one of the office wimminz who has absorbed all this corporate management speak and liability avoidance bullshit at college, and while she couldn’t exactly put her finger on it, only having had college learning, never having actually seen it in blood, she was nonetheless clearly left with the impression that something was amiss.

What was amiss was that, while briefly and succinctly detailing the issues, and while studiously avoiding pointing any fingers or apportioning any blame, such technically written documents do not merely ***UTTERLY*** exonerate the writer, they also ***COMPLETELY*** destroy any possibility that the company was in ignorance of any of the salient facts.

When people who are senior to you, regularly and completely miss this, and other related things, all of which should positively scream to anyone with a brain, that whatever else we know about the writer, we know he has been swimming in these waters for a long time and has clearly learned a lot of lessons, this is an old hand at work here, of sure, he may not be mustard and chain lightning and the new best thing, but he is very clearly an old hand.

And nobody knows how to spot an old hand, whoooosh….

You know, I was talking to a guy a few months back while we were waiting onsite, actually there were several guys there, but this one set himself apart by laughing, he got the joke, he may not be an old hand but he can spot one when introduced, we’d all got talking and I had said I liked IBM, which I do, I have worked for them before and been quite happy to take their money,  they got the best corporate lawyers in the world, and anyone who does a deal with IBM and shakes hands you better count your fucking fingers right after, because you just got shafted.

The more convinced you are you just got a good deal, the harder you got shafted.