There are various “tracking” apps that you can install on basically any portable device, even netbooks and laptops, and they all report back on various things such as location etc etc etc.
Any device owned by anyone under 20 will show as offline with a flat battery for most of the time, sure, they’ll get charged up again, but they will then get used and flattened asap.
It’s not just fucking smartphones and tablets though, talk to any roadside assistance guy, the number of callouts they get from 20 and under who left home less than 5 miles ago but are now out of gas… so they basically drove it home on fumes past several filling stations, and in the morning promptly forgot it was empty last night, forgot to look at the gas gauge, etc etc etc.
It’s not just smartphones and tablets and cars though, the same thing applies to fridges and food larders, a 20 y.o. will invite you in for some coffee, and then realise they are out of milk, and sugar, and coffee, and the cups are still in the sink, dirty, and they are out of washing up soap too.
Three posts in one fucking day, yeah, I know, but I also know we weren’t like that when I was a etc, and no, not because we didn’t have smartphones and shit back then, we had plenty of things that would “run out”, in fact in some ways we had more, there were no 24 hour shops down the road.
So what changed?
Well you tube isn’t exactly completely bereft of people with Tesla’s running out of charge, I dunno why this is either, same as a gas vehicle, when the gauge gets low you stop whatever you are doing and fill her up… I’ve never run out of fuel in my life, ever, in anything, nor have I had the “battery’s going, gotta go now..” syndrome.
But then I’m not a worthless cunt, and I think, in my advancing years, that this is the real issue here.
I can think of various ways to cure it;
- compel everyone to have a pacemaker controlled via an app surgically installed.
- compel everyone to have every vehicle and device “internet of crap” enabled so it all reports to a central database.
- compel everyone to have a smartphone and an app, if any of the internet of crap devices reports less than 25% charge the app shuts down, if the smartphone has less than 25% of charge the app shuts down, if the pacemaker loses bluetooth connectivity with the app for more than 300 seconds it goes into defib mode until the user is dead.
I think this is an eminently reasonable and minimalist approach to the problem.
The problem being that almost nothing is fatal any more.
I’ve just spent a few weeks at the behest of a close friend trying to cure the “worthless cunt” in their barely pre teen kids, actually, that isn’t true, because it implies that I ever had any hope for even a shred of success, I didn’t, but I still played it for keeps, because being brutally honest, fuck the kids, they choose to be worthless cunts, even when given opportunity after opportunity, they still chose the worthless cunt option every time.
No, I did it for the parent, now, going forwards in your life, no matter what befalls the little shits, you *CAN* sit there and be free of all guilt, none of it was your doing, you were only ever a minority player (other parental unit, grandparents, school, disney, state, etc) and you got outvoted all along the way, nobody could have done more, you did not fail them in any way shape of form, you did you level fucking best.
Fuckem, fuck the guilt, and move on with YOUR life.
I took great pleasure the other day when a cousin asked me if I could repair PC’s and macs, I said of course I can you stupid bastard, that isn’t the issue, the issue is the question you don’t want to ask me, WILL I do it for you, and the answer is yes, in theory, in practice you won’t want to pay me what I’ll charge you.
The cousin left in a huff, so another cousin asked, how much would I charge, I explained, the charge isn’t based on the job or the work, that’s a starting base for sure, but there has to be a surcharge, the pain tax, it has to cost enough so the bastard regrets letting his kids destroy and abuse shit, and enough to ensure he never asks me again, ever, no matter what.
I getting the boink look, so I explain, listen, it’s not that I hate the asshole, I don’t, it’s not that I hate money, I don’t, but inevitably with these things the job is never, ever, ever, just the job, there is a whole load of other shit involved, it may be lifetime free support of your repair, it may be rescuing little johnny’s homework that is long gone, the point is the job is never the job, and I know this because if the job was just the job the asshole would have taken the fucking mac to the fucking genius bar in town… and the pc to some other dude, and just paid up.
He’d have had a working PC and a working mac back.
The job is never the job with assholes.
That’s why I will *literally* quote 200% of brand new in a box replacement price to assholes, I do not want the fucking “job”, and “no” never cuts it, they always come back with some sort of whine, 3000 bucks to fix your 1500 buck mac cuts it every time.. trust me.
The whole point of the job was them avoiding a scenario where *I* couldn’t fucking lose, because that is mutually exclusive to the scenario they were looking for, where *they* couldn’t fucking lose..
Like I said, those jobs are never the job.
Any scenario where the other guy can’t lose, chances are I’m supposed to be the fall guy, but that’s Ok, it’s not exploitation, it’s just Uncle Fred, he don’t mind, not really, he family innit.
I charge £1 if you are in my car and want to plug into my 2 amp USB charger, you do not have to pay, I do not have to let you use my charger.
In my house the free guest wifi is 200/200 kbit, bit, not byte, nobody wants to use it, even though it’s free, that’s fine, nobody is making them use it, and they don’t want to pay to use the 100/100 mbit, so they don’t get it.
I related to a friend the story about be holding my hand out and saying UBER when one of her indoors kids wanted to go somewhere, he has taken that idea and run with it, and Derek I fucking salute you, you are a fucking hero amongst men…
Derek (he doesn’t mind me outing him) got a tee shirt done with UBER written in huge letters across it, and below that “20p a mile”, any time anyone, and I mean anyone, including his wife, wants him to run them somewhere, he puts the tee shirt on and holds his hand out… cash only dudes…
Derek’s wife thought it would be funny to get a tee shirt too, hers said Disneyland, and beneath is “50 quid a ride”, she put it on at bedtime.
He passed, and went out and bought a lockable cash box the next day, and put his wallet and keys in it, she wanted to go do the weekly shop at tesco, he points at the tin, it’s got “closed by the management” written on it.
You can’t be fucking serious, she says to him.
What makes you think it is always a joke that can be ignored if I say it, and important and serious if anyone else in this house says it, is his reply.
Derek’s wife has rediscovered her awe and admiration and love for her man.
His kids are still worthless cunts who don’t get it though.
He’s training them to say “you want fries with that” at the end of every sentence they speak to him, his logic is impeccable, in 5 years when he’s kicked the lazy bastards out of the house, that is how they will end every conversation they have with him, and everyone else.
Derek almost makes me wish I was married again… lol..
