… gives as much of a fuck about YOU, as YOU gave about the last guy she was fucking before you… assuming of course there wasn’t an overlap, and there prolly was…
…so tonight this 16 year old chick is telling me my problem, and the thing is, she is right, I’m just fucking jaundiced when it comes to wimminz, I don’t believe a fucking thing they say, if they tell me the sky is blue I will look up, and I am always looking for the proverbial razor blades in the fleshlight.
“Don’t get me wrong…” she says, “… I don’t fucking blame you, girls are all lying sluts…” she is one of those unfuckable under any circumstances chicks, not that she would necessarily fuck me, but she is forbidden territory, due to circumstances more than personality, so we have this wicked uncle ernie thing where we will hang out and have a coffee or two whenever our paths cross, but that’s it.. so she tells me shit and I tell her shit.
She tells me shit like this is her third boyfriend who she has caught using viagra, and no, the boyfriends are all her age… I mean, WTF… WTF are 16 year old guys doing taking fucking viagra???
I dunno, maybe they need something having grown up (literally) seeing single skank ho mommy fuck pond life, and I know technically there was no such thing in my yoof, only the infamous spanish fly which was so strong some girl took it and fucked herself to death with a coke bottle, or some such bullshit, so technically we never had any erection pills available even if we had wanted them, but even so…. just…. WTF…. I used to jerk off 20 times a day, every fucking day, at 16…. to get it to stay DOWN…
The big fucking news however is that she, and all her girlfriends, still have their fucking iphones, but the bank of mommy and deadbeat daddy has apparently downgraded them all, they are all now on pay as you go sims, same as the fucking boys, although the boys have to buy their own fucking sims and top ups… so it seems the real world economics have hit the teens..
Dunno how it works where you are, but the PAYG types here can go into the local shop and put a 5 or 10 note down for a top up, and the shop gives them a code, and they type the code into the phone and bingo, credit applied to phone..
So she tells me, she’s got this friend called Donna, who has started taking it up the ass for a £5 credit, how it works is you buy the credit, she sees you do this, you fuck her up the ass and then give her the code to type in her phone… I asked her for Donna’s number but she just grinned and called me a disgusting perv… oh well… lol
So I ask her if this sort of whoring also goes on for paid apps in the app store, “well DUH, of course it does old man…” she says, she’s only 16 and not tech savvy so there was no point explaining the current furore over Angry Birds and the NSA, so if you paid for that for the skank then Donna got fucked twice, once by the guy who stuck his cock in her ass and once by the NSA…
So I ask her what’s the difference between some 16 year old punk paying Donna a fiver to TIUTA and me paying her a fiver to TIUTA.
She leans close and says “You know, it’s not your age, young girls like me don’t have a problem fucking old guys your age, it would probably be really good, you’ve got to know so much……. it’s just…. well, everyone else, our mums, our brothers, every-fucking-one in their twenties and thirties and forties, they’d all give us fucking grief..” she shrugs..
I tell her, “don’t I know it girl, and before you know it that grief turns into a false rape accusation…”
“Yeah..” she says…
We have to break off the conversation there, because those “circumstances” came walking up, her mum and the very close relative that is her step-father, so she flips back into Barbie mode… these two adults see us, she has her iphone4 out and my two Samsung’s are out, and we are using them, cos all these conversations with young uns get punctuated with showing you shit on a phone, it’s like Italians and their arms, they can’t talk without them…
So my very close rellie, her stepfather, sees this and says in a sort of fake and joking stern voice, “I hope you’re not encouraging her… I have bought enough bloody apps for her…”
I nearly shit myself laughing…
She just looks at me, all Barbie innocent, and says “God you’re so weird Uncle Ernie..” and flounces off to play Barbie does Dallas or something.
They are still looking at me, WTF, I just say forget it, an inappropriate joke I heard earlier, that line you said made me think of it…
Oh….. whoosh…
