Wimminz – celebrating skank ho's everywhere

June 29, 2014

Less than a pint of beer.


That is a truthful and accurate description of why what my dad left me when he died.  (oops, that was quite the typo.. lol..)

Nor can I claim that while he was alive, he gave me the deposit for various houses, shares in the company, a start on the corporate ladder, or anything else.

I was just about to write that “after the age of sixteen, anything that was ‘given’ to me was given in exchange for work, eg training on the job, eg apprenticeship at a trade, eg I bloody earned it“… and then I thought about it, and to be honest it wasn’t that different *before* I was 16.

I don’t mean he was a slave driver or had me climbing inside chimneys at 7, I do mean I had to meet certain expectations, behaviour, chores, so on and so forth.

I can remember being stood outside the door, shivering in vest and underpants in winter, age 6/7, and being asked a simple enough question, did I want to come in to his house, in the warm, given that his house = his rules, eg do as you are told boy… nobody was forcing me to live there, or forcing him to have me live there….

I know there are many out there that will say this is child abuse yadda yadda, hey, I was fucking *there* buddy, it wasn’t abuse, it was teaching a small boy a lesson.

To be sure, it is a lesson that has contributed to a lot of my problems over the years, but then again, it has saved me from an unknowable but undoubtedly huge quantity of other problems, the lesson that whoever paid the rent etc called the shots, if you don’t like it, contribute to the rent or take a hike.

Your input or say in how that “mini state/country” was run was directly proportional to how much of the total tab you picked up each and every month.

Further to that, unless you actually had the ability to pick up 100% of the tab, your role was adviser, sort of non preferential voting stock, you didn’t get to call any shots, ever, or say shit if your vote was simply ignored.

“You paying my rent bitch?” was what I said to the skank upstairs (who now smiles at me) when she came down one Sunday to complain about my music, which is playing as I type this. Not paying rent, no vote in how I live in my own fucking home.

I just stood in my bathroom and ran my hair trimmer over my head, 3mm buzz cut over everything, just let that shit fall on the floor,washing machine is loaded, got some washing up to do and work surfaces to wash and wipe down then run the vacuum around, (which will pick up the hair) and bung the floor mats in the machine for the second load.

Then dive in the shower, fresh clothes, put the towels and shit in the machine, job’s a good un.

Sure, may not be to everyone’s taste, but, I pay 100% of the rent and bills, why should I please anyone else?

If I’m co-habiting with you, sure, I’ll make allowances, a bit of give and take, but ultimately my fall back is living alone, calling my own shots, so that give and take better be a REAL two way street.

I’ve had a few dalliances with wimminz who ostensibly ran their own places, wanted me to give up mine and move in, but hey, I’m giving up my independence, in exchange for what?

I ain’t giving up sole owner and captain of this crappy old 100 foot tramp steamer and throwing all my resources in with you just to be the latest white shirt taking orders on the bridge of your fucking Feadship.. no way Jose..

Which brings us to all the single skank ho’s I’ve been banging this past few years, and how none of them have ever progressed to the co-habiting relationshit status.

Which brings us to how all those single skank ho’s have fared sailing those waters alone, or with a succession of crew / deckhands that come and go on the good ship Venus.

The ones I know something about… not well… not one of them… no exceptions… shades of Cheech & Chong, Basketball Jones…. and Tyrone Shoelaces.. I’m Gwana Kickbooti… bitches are all so in love (Jones-ing for) with some fictional idea of the next chapter in their fucking cupcake lives, that their real lives go swirling down the shitter….

Literally, I mean literally in every sense of the word, going from “two things I said I would never do are gangbangs and doing it for money”…  well 12 months later one of them things is gone and she has had “conversations” with people, several times, about going on the game….  to my mind they are both long gone, hell I paid for it, not directly, but it still amounts to the same thing, even if the hourly rate was about an buck an hour…

Not much further to sink, except renting her own kids out, which frankly speaking isn’t that great a retrograde step from their current lives, either for her or them.

Harsh, but true.

This is the bit where that lesson dad taught me saves me from shit, ain’t getting hitched to *that* fucking wagon… no siree…

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The corporate world isn’t that different, let’s take a place that almost nobody who reads this blog is from, so we can all view it equally, as outsiders… it isn’t any different to here, or the US, or Germany, or India, or China, or Oz or anywhere else… but plenty of readers from all of those places, so they will find it harder to be objective.

Ukraine.

You have between 3 and 7 different business “cabals”, each of which comprises of one or more very very rich and powerful person, and a small close circle of very rich and powerful people with broadly similar aims.

One cabal wants Ukraine in the EU, one wants it in the Euro, one wants it to be DHL for Russian gas, one doesn’t, you get the picture.

Below this level are all the pieces, Tymoshenko Turchynov Yatsenyuk and so on, politicians, lawyers, people who are merely multi-millionaires or billionaires, these people can be sacrificed on the board, usually just taken off the board until the next game, but sometimes actually sacrificed.

Below this level is the State and Government and Law Enforcement as we, the proles, know it….

When people say things like it is all fun and games until someone loses an eye, that is true, but unless it is you, or someone else on your level that loses the eye, that doesn’t matter… it’s not “real” and the games can go on.

In many ways these “cadres” are the true terrorist organisations, and they are as hard to act against as it is to nail jelly to a wall, they aren’t an army, or a company, or even a family, in the way we of the common folk understand it.

Amusingly, I don’t think this is all *inherently* bad, the very same attitudes that were behind the English enclosures acts and the discovery and simple taking of America and Australia and the dividing up of oil resources below the Arabian gulf are a good thing, if they are applied to new resources….. apply them to “discovering” Mars and “dividing” up the resources in the asteroid belts and they become essential and beneficial for mankind, apply them to a finite and shrinking (due to increasing population density or per capita energy use) pool such as English common land and they duck donkey balls.

Outright wars of attrition between cadres are rare, M.A.D. y’see…

Cadres aren’t the illuminati, (there ain’t no such thing) nor are they everlasting and unchanging… sure, the British Royal Family are still living off the gravy of all they stole at spearpoint and pass down through inheritance, but in the real scheme of things they are also ran’s now, bit players, not world makers and shakers, but the steam age created new cadres, the electric age ditto, the oil age ditto, and to a certain extent the digital age.

This is not a million miles away from saying the so called Dark Ages weren’t actually that dark, except from the perspective of someone who loved empire and meticulous record keeping….

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The plight of any European country after the fall of Rome and the start of the so-called Dark Ages can be compared to my dad dying and leaving me insufficient estate to buy a single pint of beer.

It doesn’t actually fuck you up, so, anything you get in the future, you have to earn it yourself… big deal…. is that really such a *bad* thing?

With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, just by being prudent and careful, my dad could *easily* have made me an overnight millionaire the day he died, and not just millionaire, but CEO too.

Tell me, who else on the planet lost out because he didn’t? And really, what did I “lose”, something I never had, a bunch of extra power and money that I couldn’t handle anyway…

Shades of Jesus being offered an Iron Cross by Adolf, if Jesus will let him in to Heaven, so Jesus goes and asks his dad if he can let Adolf in, and God says to Jesus “Nah, tell him to fuck off boy, you couldn’t even handle a fucking wooden cross, much less an iron one…

On the contrary, what I would have lost, had dad left me a few million and a company or three, is the chance to learn, to be one of the common people, to have no burdens except those which I managed to trip over myself.

The cadres are as trapped by their situation as we are, the shark cannot stop swimming, the bear cannot stop eating, the elephant cannot stop moving to find fresh grazing…

The CEO cannot go down to one plant and speak to one worker and try to make his job and his lot and his work on the company product better… the only tools he has are blunt and crude and massive.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

However, none of this presupposes that anyone at any level is doing the best they can, or knows what the fuck they are doing, or is largely a victim of circumstance.

What would you do if I handed you US$ 250,000,000,000 right now, to do with as you please?

Funny thing is, once you get past the shit about “buy the company and sack the boss” and “buy a lambo” and “hire Van Halen for my next birthday”, funny how NONE of these cunts end up doing the things we all say we would do, living our own personal dreams.

Let’s say your personal dream is doing a Bogey, buying an old tramp steamer and wandering around the south china seas as the whim takes you, plying your trade.

Fucking try it…. that world ain’t there any more, and if there is no trade, you may as well make it a Feadship, and if you do that the relationship between you and the crew is different, and with the pirates, you can’t be one of the old school and have a few .50 cal brownings on the bridge wings, so suddenly you are basically floating around restricted seas in your gin palace, no more real freedom than you had when you started out.

That’s what the sci-fi books always get wrong too, because it always comes back to human nature and society, the independent space ship captain, they always were an anachronism, even back in the day before society and technology got organised enough to eradicate any niches that they managed to inhabit.

Those that were there were part pirate, part thief, part honest man, part drunk, and mainly trying to get a break, away from the glamour of the silver screen, it wasn’t all that.

It still isn’t, independent private hire self employed taxi guy vs Stagecoach + Virgin Rail + British Airways + DHL, all of whom work together and publish fixed schedules and so on.

He does it because there are fuck all other alternatives, not because he could have been Greyhound…

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When my dad died and left me not quite enough money to buy a pint of beer, I did, literally, the only thing I could do, I fished in my own pocket for some coppers until I had enough to buy a pint of beer, went into the nearest pub, bought that pint of beer and drank it, here’s to you dad…

You know what, that ain’t such a bad thing.

Less than a pint of beer is more, much much more, than several million pounds.

December 31, 2013

NSA, sex or spying


It amuses me that the National Security Agency shares an acronym with a type of casual sex known as No Strings Attached.

It amuses me that millions of people can watch Bond movies and be amazed at the gadgets from Q division, then act horrified when they find out the NSA (and every fucker else) has 99 different ways to hack into a PC including embedding shit in VGA cables, USB cables, RJ45 ports, etc etc etc

Hello…..?

It amuses me that so many people think you have said something profound and intelligent when you say “And Bill Gates walks into a Shanghai sneaker factory, and everyone is a millionaire, on average….” into a conversation about cost of living and inflation and average wages.

It amuses me that when people discuss distasteful stuff like paedophilia or incest or bestiality, they think that evil abusers + poor victims = 99% of all cases, and not just the 1% of all cases that were so unhappy about it they complained, when there is no particular real reason for only these crimes to be comprised only of abusers and victims, which doesn’t add up, for every other crime there is a whole milieu of activity that may well be criminal, but all the participants are quite happy to carry on partaking.

It amuses me that merely asking for a scientific proof of something before making a law criminalising everyone is equated to being either an apologist for that thing or worse still a believer in that thing.

It amuses me that at 14:07 hours someone can be quite happy to live in a certain place, talk to a certain person, buy a certain product, and at 14:08, though nothing FACTUAL has changed one iota, except that someone just got some extra data that they personally were not aware of before, they are no longer happy about anything.

It amuses me perhaps most of all that despite the fact that we now live in a 24/7 world of IT, and despite the fact that my job is field engineer, and my office is manned 24/7 and I am on call, the traditional 2 week fuck all happens Christmas and new year hiatus still applies, and January will be as dead as it always is in IT, when there is zero technical or physical reason for this seasonal hiatus, yet, when it is over, suddenly everything is going to be very very very urgent all over again.

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I’ve spent that last couple of days talking to a couple of guys determined to better themselves, and to this end they are investing a considerable amount of their own time and own money to get Cisco and Microsoft certification.

So they turned to me, as someone actually earning money in this field, for my opinion, it wasn’t what they thought it would be, as inevitably you can’t discuss employment and salary without touching on the wider economy… but… here is what I told them.

1/

At my level / role / position, you can’t really extrapolate to other roles / levels positions, sure, a full set of Cisco and MS certificates will be the kind of thing the guy pulling a solid high 5 low 6 digit salary will be holding, and sure, that guy will have forgotten more about such subjects than I will ever know, but….

2/

You can’t say with any authority that having all those certs will guarantee you that sort of job at that sort of salary, but you can pretty much guarantee that if you do have (the full set) them, nobody is going to offer you MY job at MY pay scale, even if you were happy enough to take it.

3/

So, despite it being the same field, that guy with all the certs, and me with decades of field experience, actually don’t have much in common, any more than the guy who fills the ATM at your local bank branch has in common with the regional accountant for that same bank.

4/

At *my* level, I tend to see the same faults over and over and over again, do the job 12 months and you have probably seen them all at least once, that doesn’t really give you/me a good basis for assessing the value of the full set of certs, or the capabilities of someone with them… however….

5/

Two other things that are not necessarily congruent are a body holding a full set of certs, and that same body actually having a functioning brain…. I have *literally* had conversations with people holding said certificates doing the remote while I am on-site, and I have had to repeat myself three fucking times to explain the concept of a fucking “air gap”, eg the cable ain’t plugged in / there is no electrical or data connection, ergo no data is going to pass between these two items, eg the thing you are talking about cannot fucking physically happen.

So of course the obvious parallels here are to our leaders, our bosses, our CEO’s, our bankers and economists and politicians.

They are all certificated up the wazoo too, but, we only notice the ones with the certification who can’t do the fucking job, because they have the certs but not a functioning brain.

I *do* come across those who have the certs *and* a functioning brain, in fact quite a lot of my fellow employees and colleagues fall into that category… but I recognise that I am in the minority in being able to say that, if I worked in retail for instance I would not be able to.

Which brings us back to our two chaps pursuing certification.

They are in place X career / employment wise, and they hope these bits of paper will put them in place Y career / employment wise, because, being brutally honest here, these are about the only options on the table.

Statistically speaking, they have as much chance of making it to that high 5 low 6 digit salary in a place Y career as they do of getting a job alongside me, but at least the path they are taking has an established procedure, the path I took looks like nothing more than random chance / luck / chaos theory at work.

Speaking factually, the guy who took a chance on me and gave me the job was worried, even after spending a couple of weeks at HQ boning up on their shit, because the only way he could asses me was to ask me a couple of questions, just like an exam, just like a cert…. and my answers were correct, but slow in coming, because I was running through them in detail before actually speaking.

Meanwhile the guy who has spent two weeks with me making sure I knew their shit told the other guy “he’ll be fine” – “you sure?” – “yup

Which very very neatly highlights the problem with certs.

Cisco and MS particularly try to address this by making the exams *hard* as in you get hundreds of questions that cover all areas of everything, but then you get a vicious feedback cycle, and the tuition then becomes cramming and committing to memory type learning, rather than real understanding type learning.

So I will get guys who hold ALL the certs telling me that the noise, signal and attenuation numbers for the line, which are measures in dB, which is a logarithmic scale, don’t really matter, because the coursework is concerned with how for example a xDSL connection works in theory, but to understand that properly you have to understand the telecomms side of things and the cabling side of things to, which these certs don’t cover.

This started YEARS ago, I am one of the last few that experienced a secondary school eduction that featured “Chemistry” lessons, and “Physical Chemistry” lessons (ditto physics etc) where you actually went into the chemistry lab and attempted to replicate what you had learned from the books in the classroom based chemistry lessons.

I won’t even bother trying to number the amount of times or regularity with which I would sit there in the class just not getting any of the shit I was being taught, sure, I was hearing it, and could muddle through when coaxed by the teacher, but none of it was sinking in or making any proper sense, I wasn’t actually LEARNING…. then we would go to the lab, try and replicate that stuff physically, and suddenly it all just fell into place and made sense, made so much sense that my brain took it, processed it, and ran with it, so for example we were being taught at 13/14 about the various bonds and structures of the various forms of carbon (this was before buckminster) and it became obvious that these were like the tiles on a floor, great, but what happens at the edges, if you print all these out of paper and cut the paper in half you get all messy sticky out bits, aha, teacher says, surface chemistry, this is a whole other field of chemistry, go to university if you want to study THAT…

You see the problem here.

You end up with certificates up the wazoo types, which is a bit like those that persevered in classroom chemistry, they’re good, but there is little true knowledge and understanding. Ther can fire up the CAD workstation and simulators and design a car.

And the me types, haven’t got a (relevant to Cisco or MS) piece of paper to wipe my ass with, but, within the limited roles of responsibility that I have, eg a grease monkey for t’intertubez, I’m a good guy.

Nowhere is there an Issigonis, a Chapman, a Brunel, and more importantly, nowhere is there the kind of guy they would employ and work with on a day to day basis….

Which makes it really difficult, getting back to the two guys pursuing certs, to know what to say, or advise them, or even just how much truth in required when answering their questions… at what point does truth become non-helpful.

There are the territories knowledge and skill wise where I work now, I can’t go much higher, it gets rarefied real fast, and the level of effort I have to put in rises real fast, and the remuneration for all this extra effort and so on is not an up front deal, so where is the incentive, given I can live on what I earn now, and work basically fuck all,

Let’s take device X, call it a Cisco box.

One of the factors limiting the quantity and quality of certified guys available to connect to that box is your budget, that is pretty much as it has always been, but, it is now a global marketplace, if I want to start a new business ISP that always has 10 x CCNP + 2 x CCIE + 1 x CCT on 24/7 availability I can go out and hire that, and I don’t care if they are Chinese or Indian or Brazilian or Martian, except the ping times might make things difficult for the Martian.

It’s no big deal.

One of the other factors limiting the quantity and quality of certified guys available to connect to that box is the physical connection, there has to fucking be one.

If the box is dead swap it out or reflash the config or IOS, if it is a cable or switch issue again someone has to go onsite, and again ultimately if there is 3g coverage all you need is a guy with a 3g tethered laptop connected directly to device X, and some remote control software.

Yes, there are middle grounds, there are times when the ideal solution is to get a certified network security guy on-site with direct physical access to the switch layer, but these cases aren’t the bulk of it.

The bulk of it is the hands on guys on site need to be good enough all rounders, to ensure that the cubicle guys with all the certs can connect and do their thing.

Right there, it isn’t just a case of certification = salary any more, it is a case of do you wanna effectively be your own boss on the road every day to a different physical site, or do you wanna be a cubicle guy.

The potential employer has two good reasons not to give the guy with all the certs the field job, one, he is overqualified so will prolly walk for more money, and two, it is not exploiting his abilities in return for the maximum revenue for the company.

What do I tell these two guys, who clearly haven’t even considered being the red stapler guy in the cubicle in return for this high salary.

Which job is more resistant to both emerging technologies, eg cisco going from command line to just checking some radio boxes in a GUI, and virtualisation, eg not a physical router layer but a virtual one, and to the ongoing financial pressures of outsourcing?

Under certain circumstances, that 420 second ping to Mars vs the 0.15 second ping to Mumbai might not be a show stopper, if the Martian is willing to work for 10% of what the agency in Mumbai is asking.

Would the certified guys be willing to relocate to Mumbai and take a 90% drop in salary to keep their jobs?

You see, the other thing, because I tend to see the same shit over and over again, I get very good at it, the certified up the wazoo guy may spend 0.5% of his time coming across these issues, but I spend 90% of my time on them, so within a year *I* am the expert with the specific experience, and because we are only talking about that small sub-section of all that the certified up the wazoo guys know, it’s my specialist subject, and they think I am hot shit.

I get to shine….. without trying.

Big fish in a small pond…lol

You see why I think I have (while it lasts) a great job.

You see why trying to advise these two other guys is so difficult, and despite their ambitions, I do not envy them one bit.

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