So it’s 24 hours since I had a smoke, and, you know, I fucking want one, I’d fucking ENJOY one, yadda yadda yadda, but *that* shit was never in doubt, it’s the side effects that are the issue, as in, it’s not exactly healthy.
For me, giving up smoking = giving up nicotine, no vapes, no patches, no shit, no nothing, and I liken smoking to midget porn or making and selling meth or being a lawyer, nobody gives a fuck how little you do, or if you only do it socially, or anything else. the only filtering people do is “doesn’t do any, ever, not even a teensy tiny bit” and “does it”.
I can’t claim to have been a fan of the smell of smoking, or the expense, or the mess, but as a drug, it has a lot to recommend it, but when common colds go, and the associated coughs stay, and start sounding remarkably like a smoker’s cough, it’s time to get back in the doesn’t do any, ever, not even a teensy tiny bit, side of things, because escalations are a bitch and clearly the autonomous self repair nano-machines could no longer cope with the does it side of things… I can FEEL a fucking tightness, you know, that’s sufficient warning, it’s not about how fast this baby will take that curve, fuck the warning signs,
Some warning signs aren’t like others, some are just thin paper over deep chasms, with don’t tread on me written on them, if you stop to read, and pay heed, ignoring the warning signs when it came to smoking, that was always good for me, cos smoking calmed me down see, dumbed down the brain, cut down the oxygen supply, lowered the intellect, raised the bullshit tolerance, made everything go slower, time for a smoke first.
Some warning signs, as MY mind speeds back up to normal, fuck me gently, life just gotta be one big episode of candid camera man, because, like, no fucker could really be as dumb as some of these people around me are making out to be…
don’t use big words, she says to me, meaning words with more than 5 or 6 letters, she’s sorry, can she have another chance, she offers sex, I have a surreal moment, the age gap is huge, if she was a decade younger that would make me a paedo, but, would it, because paedophilia and ephebophilia etc kinda implies fucking within your own species, and this bitch is so fucking dumb, well, if she is human, I ain’t, and if I am, she ain’t, know what I mean…
so this other bitch, again, had it all explained, it don’t make no odds, as I knew it wouldn’t, people do what the fuck they wanna d0, got every excuse under the sun for why it ain’t their fault, but they end up doing exactly what they fucking wanna do, and as I said in yesterdays delayed post, at my stage in life, I dunno I can tell the difference between “can’t do shit because I’m fucked” and “I can’t be fucked to do shit“, I probably could, if I made the effort, but since the end result of the two is the same, why make the effort… why not just note the lack of a result.
I await with crushing inevitability one of two outcomes, either they turn around shortly and happily announce that they will take up an offer that expired long since and doesn’t actually exist any more, followed by hurt bafflement and confusion…
… or they already know from my lack of action that I didn’t get the memo that cunt is priceless and they can be excused anything, I not playing by that rulebook, followed by hurt bafflement and confusion…
However short my fuses were as a smoker, as a nicotine withdrawal turkey, when seconds seem like minutes, they’re fucking minuscule now…. things that might have taken 72 hours or more to coalesce into feelings or attitudes or ah well it was fun while it lasted shit, not just over in 24 hours, hell, they built a mall on the site of the cemetery where it was buried when it was over, that’s how accelerated shit is.
I can see why I didn’t give up while working the day job (on vacation now) because what with the time dilation and short fuse, I’d a quit by now, ten times over.
that’s the bit of the alarm / warning I cannot easily discount, when it bleats, are you SURE you wanna walk around with your brain running on all 8???? dangerous shit man…
Yes, the addiction would say that anyway, but, that does not necessarily mean that it isn’t true
So when the young skank says stop using big words like question and tough and cheaper and elsewhere, because big words like that confuse her, but she wants sex, ah, the accelerated brain thinks it might be fast enough to dodge the land mines buried under that one, why not, this giving up nicotine shit is boring anyway…
I figure one thing we all won’t be short of going forwards is disappointment, hurt bafflement and confusion, I’m just trying to keep all that shit at a distance from yours truly.
I’m wondering just how dumb the young skank is, you must be my disciple and obey my every whim, eg be my toilet and perform all the functions of same, I’ll offer you shelter and board, after all, I’m one of those on the winning side, and “we” already had all our secret injections that make us immune to aids / bird flue / ebola / disney etc
cunt has a lot in common with nicotine you know, a relaxing drug, but is doesn’t smell good, it’s messy, too expensive, addictive and worst of all it has all sorts of negative long term health issues, not just physical health, mental health too.
flipside.
